Friday, December 5, 2008

Attention non-believers

If my faith in our next president had ever faltered, it was not because of his questionable stance on FISA, the rumors about his consideration of John Brennan for CIA chief, his merely lukewarm opposition to Prop 8 prior to election day, etc. Nay, like many of my fellow Americans, I had grave concerns about Obama's portable media device of choice.

Fortunately, Gizmodo reported that he does in fact believe in and wholeheartedly endorse change. He uses a Zune. I imagine the relative pragmatism he has so far demonstrated in his post-election decisions accompanied him to the portable media device store. There he stood in the aisle marked "Zunes and Ipods," brow furrowed in meditation, coldly weighing the pros and cons of each melodious pocket companion. "Compatibility with Mac be damned," he could be heard to think aloud. "I know a good product when I see one."

He then purchased that good product, eagerly cantered to his motorcade and began to ponder what his first quick-playlist would look like:

Takin' Care of Business by BTO

Barracuda by Heart ("lol Palin" he mumbled under his breath)

Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears

The Adhan

Ohio by Lambchop

You Can Do Magic by America

The Gentleman by (Lipstick on a) Pig Destroyer

Hawaii by the Beach Boys

الحركة المباركة المجاهدة حركة حماس

I'm Still Your Fag by Broken Social Scene

Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies

Ain't my type of Hype by Full Force

I know this because then he synced it and we became friends on and you missed out because you don't have a Zune you dumb jerk. Terrorist.