Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hey, Dragonball Evolution: F*CK YOU!

I have absolutely no qualms regarding America’s view of Dragonball. It wasn’t a great show, and even though it had some interesting moments the entire premise was perfectly laughable. I mean, an alien that comes to earth to help humanity? That’s just flat-out ridiculous.

Even still, I have to say that as an avid Dragonball Z fan I am supremely disappointed by the cinematic interpretation of the franchise. The whole Goddamn show is about a chucklefucking alien that fights for mankind. This is not a difficult concept to grasp. It involves two fucking things: a motherfucking alien and a motherfucking planet on which to crash. So why, then am I seeing previews for a teen coming-of-age story? WHAT THE FUCK?! The main character is an alien. ALIEN, GODDAMNIT! HE DIDN’T GO TO HIGH SCHOOL! This is such a simple premise that I feel like the writers and directors went out of their way to screw it up. This is literally like someone making a movie about Superman, and instead releasing a film about a plucky young Senator who teaches the country of Paraguay how to love.

Look, you can screw up a franchise. Just please, please… at least pretend that you know the source material. We’ve already endured this once; we really don’t need it again.