Saturday, February 28, 2009

Some Guy Has Made a Game Out of the Internet and I Haven’t Heard About It Yet?

Imagine if this were your MMO's world map. I don’t even know where to start on this one, guys.  This kind of scares me.  It’s called PMOG, and is brought to you by one of the few people who had a blog during Web 0.5 (aka the dark times when google was a number and chat rooms still mattered). 

PMOG stands for Passively Multiplayer Online Game.  The basic premise: you install a browser extension that turns surfing the web into a passive RPG.  You obtain “datapoints” just by browsing websites – checking email, reading Wikipedia, or updating your blog.  These datapoints level you up, and you can also spend them on “tools,” items you can plant on URLs for the next PMOG player to stumble upon.

Come to think of it, PMOG is pretty much a StumbleUpon MMO.  But instead of just suggesting sites, you can leave mines for people to trip.  Or portals that will take them randomly to another site, related or not.  There are also “missions,” which are basically guided web tours.  But I imagine someone could leave a portal on one of the mission sites, throwing you off track.  There are also “badges” (aka achievements), earned by a number of activities ranging from completing a certain number of missions to visiting Perez Hilton’s website (hope this link helps any playing) five days a week for two weeks - a badge that has been doled out 355 times.

As I hinted at in the opening paragraph, I’m slightly frightened by this.  I guess it’s a cool ARG, but I don’t know if I could handle it.  I like reading about baseball without magically being teleported somewhere else.  I like loading up a gaming blog without worrying that a bomb’s going to go off and lower my Internet experience level.  Sure, I could pause the game or turn it off.  But that might be hard knowing I can earn a badge just by looking at existential cat photos.  I don’t know if I could stop.  Could you?

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february 2009: month in review

february is also a pretty month Lord, it’s finally over. February is probably the worst month of the winter – November and December have holidays going for them, and in January you are distracted by adopting and then quickly giving up resolutions. March is the thaw. February, though… It’s enough to strangle a man’s soul, leaving him a freezing husk of his former self.

If February was a little trying for us personally, it was still a good month for Charge Shot!!!. I feel like the third month is the one we needed to get through to prove that we were serious, and we passed it without breaking our stride. People contributed some pretty good stuff, we had some new ideas, traffic is up. If you are one of those newer visitors, by all means, hit the jump to see what you’ve missed.

If pressed I’d probably say that Craig had the most prolific month of all of us, writing a pile of briefs and starting a new type of post called the “Midnight Snack” – small, freely obtainable games which have interesting ideas and are great to kill some time with in the wee hours. He continued his Audiosurf Radio posts, he won one in his ongoing quest to rack up ten Starcraft victories, he appealed in vain to Square Enix to make Final Fantasy XIII a good game. Good luck with that one. He also wrote a very thoughtful post on Jason Rohrer’s Between, one of my favorite posts so far.

Contrary to what I thought, Rob did spend part of February doing something other that write about motherfucking plane games – he opened with a post about how hollow Fallout 3 left him feeling, and also about being a dick in Left 4 Dead. And who could forget the commentary-through-plagiarism that was his GunFace 6 review? The rest of the time it was all planes, though.

Perhaps in response to this, I felt it necessary to come down on the other side of the plane game debate. I also went RPG crazy this month, talking about how much I like Chrono Trigger, and then sidling up to Dragon Quest and humping vigorously. I also returned to my undergraduate stomping grounds in a post about the mythology of God of War, then did a post on game consoles pulling double shifts as media players, and then just this very morning wrote about ways to waste money on a gaming PC.

Our contributors, bless their hearts, continue their elusive streak. Gene showed up briefly and then left as quickly as he came - see his response to Ian Bogost’s proceduralism article and his piece on an adorable flash game powered by the Unity Web Player. Boivin posted about the Islam is the Light baby and was then devoured alive by schoolwork. At least we know they think about us sometimes?

No new interviews this month, though we do have a couple in the pipe for March. We did launch a shiny new podcast, which you really ought to check out. We also all of us wrote about things that shame us. As always, if you’re new to the site it may behoove you to look at past months in review for some light reading.

Thanks for your continued support, everyone! Every hit, comment, email, feed subscription and ad click puts that much more wind in our proverbial sails – we hope to be entertaining even more of you by the time March’s month-in-review rolls around.

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it’s a trap! the many scams of pc gaming

yes, honey, we know what you think it is One of the things PC advocates like best about their dear platform is its potential for expandability and customization. If you want to play a brand spanking new game on your PC but it has a three-year old graphics card in it, there’s no reason to worry! All you need to do is drop $300 for a graphics card that will play a game you could just as easily play on a $200 console! It’s really that simple.

Sorry, PC gamers. I sympathize with your cause. If I hadn’t done the above, I wouldn’t make fun.

Customizable and capable as PCs can be, they’ve also got the potential to be real money pits – overpriced graphics cards are among the more legitimate add-ons you can purchase, believe me. What happens if you’re really jonesing to throw some money down a hole, though? Well, you’re in luck – the PC market is chock full of manufacturers who are ready, willing, and even excited to make a quick buck off of people who feel that running Counterstrike at 176 frames per second instead of 172 is vital to their success. I will say this now: if you have ever spent good money on any of the following products, you are an idiot.

First up, a blanket statement – anything bearing Jonathan “Fatal1ty” Wendel’s name is a waste of cash. This guy was a relatively successful professional gamer – you can tell he has been doing it for awhile because only one of the letters in his handle has been replaced by a number. Over the last few years, his name has been plastered all over everything from mousepads to motherboards to graphics cards. Here’s a news flash – all of these components use the same off-the-shelf parts as anything else on the market. If you think that having someone’s name taped to something is going to win you some extra LAN parties at your friend Jeff’s house, you’ve got a long way to go.

By the same token, you should never invest in ridiculously expensive high-speed or low latency memory chips. It’s true that both of these factors can improve performance by a measurable amount – it’s just that the measurable amount is almost never more than two or three percent, depending on the particular task you are trying to accomplish. In memory, total amount has almost always been more important than speed or latency, but you can pay more than twice as much for special “gamer” memory that delivers these near-imperceptible performance benefits. Don’t get suckered in by their flashy heatsinks or pretty logos, people – you’d be better off spending that money on some magic beans or stock in General Motors.

In my next paragraph, I will use Aegia’s PhysX card to demonstrate a larger rule – try to resist the urge to be an early adopter. Early adopters nearly always get burned. They’re the ones with red-ringed first-run Xboxes, HDMI-less HDTVs, and HD-DVD players in their home entertainment centers. The PhysX card was another expensive add-in card with the ability to render complex physics in real time – the technology was promising, but the software was never really delivered. As is sometimes the case, someone with deeper pockets saw the potential usefulness of this technology and took advantage – graphics card maker NVIDIA managed to, with a relatively simple driver update, implement the capabilities of PhysX into all their 8-series or later graphics cards. For the person who has no idea what that means, essentially they added for free into every single card in their current product range functionality for which some early adopters had paid a couple hundred extra dollars. Hoo boy.

At least the PhysX card was well-intentioned, though. They were trying to push the boundaries by doing something no one else had done – others don’t even have the good grace to do that. Bigfoot Networks’ Killer NIC is one such product – you know how they give the name “vaporware” to something that is continually promised but never delivered? Well, the Killer NIC is what I’d like to dub “stupidware,” something that has made it to market in spite of being phenomenally ill-advised. It uses mysterious voodoo magics to deliver “unprecedented gaming speed on your PC” - please, Bigfoot Networks, give me the chance to give you two hundred fifty American dollars to pay for something that has been built into every $50 motherboard since 2002. I promise I won’t squander the opportunity. Again, your cash is better spent on a better graphics card or processor or a faster Internet connection or, hey, you could save it or take your lady out or something.

These are just a few of the products you’ll be tempted to waste money on if you’re trying to build a nice new gaming PC. Over the years, I’ve slowly distanced myself from the troublesome platform, but as a guy who once enjoyed the heady rush of building his own systems I will give you this advice – these days if you spend much more than $800-1000 for a nice new gaming PC, OS and monitor included, you are almost certainly doing it wrong.

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Midnight Snack: Hey Wizard

Look at him fly!!! Tonight’s Midnight Snack is more of a Midnight Light Meal, perhaps something you start now and then finish in the morning after a night of dreaming about diminutive wizards.

Hey Wizard is a great game from the people at Spelgrim.com about a pint-sized wizard with some gallon-sized problems.  As told in the opening vignette, he plucks a random book off his shelf and something called the Megagate comes out.  It flies through his library and steals all of the skills from his skillbook!  Oh no!  So our shrimpy sorcerer follows the Megagate into a magical book in hopes of retrieving his skills and defeating his enemies.  I haven’t been this concerned about someone so small since Mr. Tusks.

The game’s art design is pretty charming  The cartoony platformer vibe channels a little bit of Yoshi’s Island, except the color palette is limited (skillfully) to red and similar earth tones.  An issue tends to arise when red flying enemies decide to come up through the red ground, but it’s a minor frustration in context of the otherwise slick look. 

Your little wizard has three upgradeable spells: a lightning bolt, a flamethrower-like fire spell, and a creepy Necro Hand that you can make grow out of the ground.  Unfortunately, your wizard cannot jump, so you must make clever use of these spells to propel you through the level.  I take immense satisfaction in shooting my wizard into the air with a lightning bolt and then using his flamethrower spell as a jetpack to fly around.  Once you get the hang of them (which is easy thanks to a great tutorial level), the controls feel really fluid and are a blast to play with.  Just know that your spells are aimed with the mouse, so you will probably want an actual mouse instead of your laptop’s pad for precise controls.

I’m about a half hour in and the game’s still feeling fresh.  I’m not sure how long it is total, but the game does provide three save slots that it will store in your temp files.  And none of the individual levels take that long once you stop fooling around with your jetpack-flying, bolt-chucking wizard.  I’ll definitely be seeing this one through to completion; I really want to help the little guy!

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Quake Live still doing fine without us



The Quake Live Beta went...well, live on February 24. As Craig (and everyone else) reported earlier, the line was rather long. Those wanting their free, browser-based fragging will have to stand in line like everyone else.

I entered the queue three minutes holding a ticket that read 3,000; at time of writing, I am No. 1973. This is acceptable. It's 7 p.m. on the Eastern seaboard, and while those with lives are grooming themselves for a night out, many without are stressing id's servers. This isn't the worst I've seen it, but it's by no means terrible.

I'm reading Robert Penn Warren's "All The King's Men" while the number ticks down. Oh, and grooming myself for a night out. Suckers.

1297. Continue...

Children’s Book Seeks to Get Your Kid Off the Couch

The artwork is great but that's just gross. Scott Langteau, producer of a number of Medal of Honor games and last year’s smash hit  not-quite-a-flop Legendary, has written a book.  No, it’s not an exposé on the gaming industry or a game design How-To.  It’s a children’s book.

Sofa Boy tells the story of a young lad who gets addicted to video games, neglecting all other earthly duties including bathing, eating well, and going outside.  All synopses hint at him, in some Brothers Grimm twist of fate, merging with the sofa.  I hope he finds it enjoyable?

Langteau’s message, as he told MSNBC’s Citizen Gamer Winda Benedetti, is moderation.  He’ll be the first to inform you that games can “improve your deductive reasoning, your decision making skills, and your problem solving skills,” and as a producer he admits, “If we really do our job well, we make a game you want to play until the end.”

But just because a game is fun doesn’t mean you have to ignore the world around you.  Langteau’s smart to make this case in the form of a children’s book.  People in the 18 to 45 bracket, their habits are probably set and (hopefully) subject to work schedules.  But young kids could use a reminder that there are other ways to occupy your time. 

Most importantly, this book should prove a valuable tool to an aging generation of gamers having kids of their own.  When many of us started gaming, it wasn’t very adult-friendly.  Now that the spectrum is wider and the audience growing, we should embrace more ways to bring our hobby not to the next generation of consoles but to the next generation of gamers.

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pod shot: now we have a podcast!

we're pod shooting all over the place here We know you all love reading the stuff we write. You think it’s great! You can’t get enough! You’re reading this right now, aren’t you? Well, don’t I have some good news for you! Now, in addition to reading the stuff we write, you can also listen to the things we say.

We here at Charge Shot!!! are pleased to announce Pod Shot!!!, a new, slightly disgustingly-named podcast featuring all of us talking about games for some twenty minutes over Skype. We then edit the recording, tack on some game music and bleep out the more offensive cusses, all for the benefit of you, the listener.

This week, Pod Shot!!! takes on the economy – how does it effect you, and how does it effect the industry? That summarizes it pretty succinctly, though we also hate on some stuff we don’t like and laugh at each others’ opening-night jitters. We make a lot of noise about people emailing us to suggest different names for this thing, but don’t you dare listen – we’re Pod Shot!!! now, and we’ll be Pod Shot!!! forever.

Currently, the only way to access us is through our barebones RSS feed (courtesy RSSPect and Feedburner) which I have linked several times. You can also find it over in our right sidebar, tucked away between our search box and the archived posts. We’ll be looking into iTunes linkage and other things as we learn the ropes. There’s no set schedule for now – this sort of thing is going to happen when it happens – but we’d love to hear your feedback, if you have any. Hit us at editors@charge-shot.com, leave us a comment here, reply to us on Twitter, whatever you want. We promise we’ll read it, no matter how caustic or hate filled.

Oh yeah, and this week our intro music is the theme from Mega Man 3. I promise I’ll give the music more page time when we’re not also trying to introduce the podcast.

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Between, Playing a Game with the Other

The sleeping world and a tower of blocks in Rohrer's Between. The other day, Andrew and I used the magic of the Internet to play Jason Rohrer’s game Between.  I suggest you do the same before reading if you’d prefer to experience it as he intended.

You may remember Rohrer from a December piece I did on his most famous work, Passage.  His M.O. remains making games that are out to enrich your life, not quench your achievement thirst or satiate your hunger for prettier explosions.  In Between, Rohrer examines an essential part of the human experience: interaction.  His pre-game blurb states his thesis a tad more poetically:

“Somewhere, across whatever barriers stand between, is an other.”

Andrew and I played this game for over an hour.  Read on for what I think I learned.

Again, I must warn you that, by merely writing about how this game works, I will be spoiling it.  I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.  When people say “Spoiler Alert,” they think about plot twists and cool fight scenes.  This comes from the world of passive media (which I don’t use derogatorily), where the author’s intended story depends on the audience experiencing a carefully-planned sequence of events.  I don’t ruin a movie by telling you how to watch it; I ruin it by letting slip a crucial plot point or two.  I can, however, spoil Between just by telling you how to play it.  Again, Rohrer pushes gameplay to the fore.  More developers should strive to create gameplay that might lose something in the explanation.

After the two players have used a code (similar to the old system of trading IP addresses) to bridge the physical gap between your systems, the game begins.  The art style is unmistakably Rohrer: simple colors, pixels, nothing wasted.  You control a stick figure capable of creating three types of blocks – red, blue, and green.  You can place them in a grid Andrew and I came to refer as the “House,” on the ground, or on a stack of faint blocks let’s call the “Tower.”  Blocks placed over their corresponding outlines in the Tower begin to create music, a sign that you are closer to achieving your goal.  Whatever that may be.

To the left and right of your Tower are two rooms.  One suggests night, the other day.  You can use these rooms (or more efficiently, they’re corresponding buttons W and S) to shift between three worlds (worlds of waking and sleeping, I presume).  Each world has a House and a Tower, but the ground is a different color – green, gray, or brown.  Filling the 2x2 House with blocks in one world allows you to create that pattern as a single block in the next world.  This proves crucial when trying to create the more intricate patterns required by the Tower.

Okay, so it’s a puzzle game, with a neat block-building mechanic.  Great.  But where was Andrew?  I couldn’t find him.  He wasn’t in any of the other worlds.  Another issue: I could see the Tower would require blocks of colors I couldn’t make: mauve, yellow, and teal.  Andrew and I had decided on no out-of-game communication to the keep the experience pure, so I had no idea where he was, what he’d accomplished, or how we might help one another.

Then a funny thing happened:  I started finding yellow and blue blocks.  And when I came back to the Green world, my Tower was in disarray.  Someone I couldn’t communicate with had directly impacted my world and my progress.  Assuming that Andrew was the one making the other three colors of blocks, I began appropriating them for my Towers.  But then I found weird blocks, with useless color patterns that didn’t even seem to fit the puzzle parameters.  How was he making these blocks?

We played for forty-five minutes, neither of us getting very far.  I believe we kept stealing from each other’s towers, though I’m not entirely sure.  Because we knew I wanted to write an article about this, we decided to Skype and try the game again.  This led to a series of stunning revelations. 

Andrew’s experience was not that dissimilar from my own.  He, too, could only make red, green, and blue blocks.  He, too, had assumed me capable of creating the other colors.  That light-bulb moment remains one of my favorites from Between.  We also learned a bit more about where the weird block towers were coming from.  If I started building my Green world Tower, Andrew would find it mirrored and discolored in his Green world and vice versa.  Our eventual solution was to drop four of each color in every world, thereby giving each other the ability to make the new colors on our own through creative House manipulation.  I’ll admit it – we cheated.  We each built our Tower and reveled in the bizarre electronic music it made.  But the game didn’t end.  We thought completion of the Green world with its mirrored towers (which didn’t show up in the other worlds) meant victory.  Over what, I don’t know.  And there’s the point.  Our in-game interaction means more to Rohrer than some perfunctory fruits of our labor. 

The opening section of Between, when you start working on the Tower with your own colors, speaks to an inability to succeed on our own.  “You know exactly what you need to do -- you can see it shimmering right there in front of you,” Rohrer says in his synopsis, presumably referring to the Tower’s outline of required blocks.  But when switching between the worlds provides no immediate way to make new colors and your partner is nowhere to be seen, you find yourself “alone in the expanse with the construction.”  Purposefully, he refrains from including a precise method by which to communicate with the other player, creating “a pinhole that eventually yawns into a deep ravine of longing” – a longing for help completing the Tower, or at least some company.  But by making the other player’s Tower appear as garbled, useless blocks, Rohrer teases the player yearning for a companion he knows to also be playing.  Reaching out will not be easy, Rohrer seems to say. 

Being a purely multi-player experience, Between tackles human interaction from two sides.  First, the issue of insurmountable barriers.  Assuming no contact outside of the game, there is no way direct line of communication between players.  Presumably, you know the other person, otherwise you couldn’t have started the game with them.  But despite any previous relationship or knowledge that they truly exist, you cannot find them.  You merely get the by-products of their existence as you move from day to night, from waking to dreaming.  How wonderfully existential and not-so-wonderfully depressing.

But it is the other side of Between’s approach to interaction that I feel we should take with us.  It’s the idea that – however alone you appear to be, behind a barrier of background, location, gender, or what-have-you – there is always another person on the other side.  Another person struggling to achieve similar goals with a similar set of tools.  They, too, are capable of creating.  Of waking and dreaming.  Of feeling alone.  Is that not enough to cross whatever stands between?


Jason Rohrer’s Between was released in December 2008 and is currently being hosted by Esquire Magazine.  It’s been nominated for the Innovation Award in the 2009 Independent Games Festival.  The rest of his work can be found here.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

using all twelve of the months

look at them all Not all is madness in the game industry of late, it would seem.

EA’s Glen Schofield gazed around himself in wonder. “My goodness,” he said sleepily, “look at all of these months! There must be eleven, nay, twelve of them in a year, one always following after another.”

He looked at November and December. “Sure are a lot of games here,” he noted, kicking at a mountainous pile of them. “Too many, maybe. I can’t pick up all of them because I don’t have enough hands.” He looked at his hands disdainfully. This was not the first time they had disappointed him. “Isn’t there anything to be done!?”

He then turned and looked at the other months, March and July and all the rest. They grinned at him expectantly. “People can’t just have money in November and December,” Glen mused. “They must have money in all of these months.” The months stared at him wide-eyed, watching the cogs in his brain churn to life after years of apparent inactivity. “If I spread these games out across all of the months, people might be able to pick more of them up no matter how few hands they have!”

They’ve finally started figuring it out, people – this could be the beginning of something grand. May God have mercy on our souls.

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I definitely did this as a kid.



The second of Mega 64's ads for Tom Clancy's HAWX. Brings back fond memories of getting hauled out of malls and other public places kicking and crying.

Take that, moratorium on airplane posts! Continue...

RE: Your planes


Thanks, Andrew, for so thoroughly taking to task the flight-sim-genre – or as I like to call them, the zoom-zoom games. Though I’m still convinced you have no heart, only a musty yarnball of nostalgia, your criticism of Ace Combat 4 was dead-on. For six games now, the series has made roughly the same game, each installment prettier but near-identical to the last: you flew a jet, you blew up others, bombed the occasional ground target and endured an absurdly melodramatic plotline. A lack of competition has allowed the series to recline in its lawnchair and let loose a single, decadent yawn.

Tom Clancy’s HAWX hits shelves in a few weeks, and if the demo is any indication, the few twists it throws into the formula won’t drastically change the way we play flight sims. I’m not sure we need more realism – PC flight sims of yore made it impossible to take off unless you had completed written and oral exams, obtained written permission from your parents, begged the control tower for clearance to taxi and switched five of 10,000 switches – but there has to be some way to break to formula of fly, turn, bomb, shoot, fly, turn, shoot.


As Craig pointed out, realism can be dull, and nowhere is this more true than in flight sims. A technically and socially realistic flight simulator would be a true yawner. Consider this: Col. Cesar Rodriguez, USAF (Ret) is the closest thing to an ace America has. His kill count? Three. And one of the three attempted a Split-S at 600 feet and ate Iraqi hard deck.

Air combat has changed, and it looks nothing like Ace Combat, where three jets are often shot down in a single pass. Still, missions can be more than flying (beautifully), hitting the brakes and spinning in decelerating circles until you get the jump on the enemy. Ace Combat 6 tries to spice things up by building missions from multiple operations, each with different objectives – air superiority, close air support, multi-role – but it doesn’t quite work. Stray too far out of your operational corridor, and you trigger the next one. Good luck completing more than one at a time.

These games can afford to be harder. I shouldn’t need to fire six missiles at a time to defeat twelve enemies – a well-made dogfighing game should make it as satisfying to successfully kill one opponent. Simplifying the process may make the game more appealing, but robs the gameplay of much satisfaction. Here, HAWX offers a glimmer of variety– the “off” mode dumps the player to a distant third-person perspective where they can perform all sorts of physically impossible but entertaining maneuvers. It breaks the round-and-round-and-round formula instituted by the Ace Combat series.

One more thing – it’s shameful that Over G Fighters is the only game to incorporate redouts and blackouts, the physical effect of negative and positive g-forces, respectively. Having to temper your turns for fear of passing out would throw an interesting wrench into the process.

Real air combat is boring, tedious and nerve-wracking. Zoom-zoom games shouldn’t be any of these, but they shouldn’t be cake walks either. My missile-lock alert is chiming constantly, but am I challenged? Am I gratified? There is more nuance to the process than the Ace Combat series grants it. We’ll see if HAWX does any better.

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Midnight Snack: Cell Warfare

cell warfare In our ongoing efforts to keep you distracted, I hereby present Cell Warfare.  According to his profile, the programmer responsible for this addictive shooter, Xdragonx10, is 14.  Really?  Good for you, kid.  Go outside, it’s almost Spring - but good for you.  Why am I patting a teenager I’ve never met on the back?  Because Cell Warfare’s got the gameplay that made Geometry Wars so damn addictive. 

You control a small blue cell, given the task of destroying any other cell that crosses your path.  In the early stages, cells merely criss-cross the environment, paying no real mind to you at all.  Each level introduces a new cell, and pretty soon the new cells start to come after you.  One of my favorites is a greyish cell that, when killed, makes a little oil (or something) puddle on the grid.  It stays there for a few moments, waiting cause you damage should you haphazardly wander through it. 

I say cause you damage because, unlike Geometry Wars, you get a health bar.  I haven’t gotten far enough to see every enemy cell, but I don’t think any of them shoot back.  The only way to take damage is by head-on collision (or touching the above-mentioned “oil” puddles).  I like the health bar system because it allows me a slim margin of error, correctable should I live long enough to obtain a health powerup. 

The controls feel inspired by the Geometry Wars-era twin-stick shooters.  WASD and a mouse work fine, but don’t expect movement to behave exactly like a twin-stick.  The WASD controls favors either grandiose gestures (running for your life from the later level homing cells) or slow, detailed steering (navigating an oil spill to collect a 3x shot powerup).  There’s really no in between.  The game gets infinitely less frustrating once you’re comfortable with how it handles.

Simple, compelling gameplay aside, the 70-some achievements it sports are what can make for some lengthy play sessions.  Achievements range from levels cleared to total play time – it even gives you achievements for finding different ways to die.  But on average, a session can range from three to four minutes to however long you feel like kicking some cellular ass.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Following 50 Cent is like Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

While I was waiting my turn in the interminable Quake Live queue, I started rummaging through industry news and one name kept cropping up: 50 Cent.
Here’s what I know about 50 Cent.  His breakthrough single “In da Club” was a hit at my junior prom.  He once conducted the Vitamin Water orchestra.  And he starred in an awful but million-copy-selling videogame: 50 Cent: Bulletproof.
Today, I learned (thanks to MTV) that the sequel – 50 Cent: Blood in the Sand – “dropped” this week.  Let me give you a plot synopsis based on the headache inducing things I’ve read about this game. 
Fitty (I don’t like it when articles call him “50,” it gets confusing) and his friends, the G-Unit, tour a fictional Middle Eastern country (because they love rap over there).  Instead of being paid a cool ten mil, he “is offered a diamond-embedded skull of legends.” (Wiki)  It gets stolen, and he’s going to fight some thugs to retrieve it.  SPOILER ALERT: I bet he gets it back from aliens.
Okay, so that’s just a little ridiculous.  But there’s more.  Fitty came up with said crystal diamond skull after reading about this, whose creator said “if it looked like bling — tacky, garish and over the top — we would have failed.”  Consider your work an ART FAIL, sir, since Fitty, Lord of the Bling, is after your skull.
Oh, but the rabbit hole goes even deeper.  Fitty is optioning the film rights to Gene’s favorite GTA-clone, Saint’s Row.  Please tell me they bring in Uwe Boll to direct. Continue...

ace combat 4: a matter of taste

"i'll see you in your nightmares, kids!" There are those on this site who would gush about the merits (or shortcomings) of games featuring planes. Lately I have found that I am not one of those people.

I wanted to like Ace Combat 4, I really did. I can tell it’s a well-done game, made by people who know what they’re doing. They set out to make a certain type of game, and they made the hell out of it. For me, playing AC4 was about venturing outside of my comfort zone – it’s not Namco’s fault that what I found left me cold.

If you brought your disbelief, you ought to have checked that shit at the door. I found myself unable to suspend said disbelief in multiple instances, and I will readily admit that one of my favorite games involves extensive time travel. The problem with games that approach realism is that the mind sort of expects them to be more real. A redheaded Japanese boy who cavorts through time is ridiculous – I have no preconceived notions about how something like that might go. If I’m playing some pseudo-futuristic World War II plane-fighting game featuring real and lovingly rendered aircraft, though, I might expect the gameplay to at least try to conform to the realities of war. Not so Ace Combat. With your four or five wingmen, you regularly and single-handedly crush the enemy war effort. Every mission seems to involve “severely crippling” or “destroying 60%” of something. These feats become even more impressive when you consider that your wingmen, in terms of combat effectiveness, rank somewhere between a human infant and Slippy Toad – you’re by yourself out there, your companions little more than chatty subtitles across the top of the screen.

The incompetence of your allies is nothing compared to the ineptness of your enemies. Your faceless, nameless adversaries, who as often as not speak with thick, unidentifiable accents, rarely seem as though they’re actively mounting a war. You regularly catch them with their pants down – you and your awful wingmen sweep in, blow up all their ships and energy supplies, and fly right back out in twenty minutes, and they never insist on protecting their high-value targets with more than half a dozen planes and a couple of easily-dispatched anti-aircraft guns. They’ve got one elite squadron, also of five guys – in this universe it would seem that each side is allowed only half a dozen trained professionals, and the rest of their armed forces just do this on the weekends sometimes.

So in essence it’s you versus the world, and you win, natch.

This is really a problem that a lot of games have, particularly the explosion-filled shooters – you, the player, are a lone Rambo-esque figure, easily taking on all comers without breaking a sweat. You carry an unthinkable arsenal of weapons and ammo around with you at all times – maybe you keep it in your pockets. No one knows. Your enemies, on the other hand, seem incapable of switching weapons, of firing from behind cover, of some basic competence. Perhaps all war and shooter games take place in universes where competence is finite, and your character took all of it and ran. It’s hard to say. We’ve said in the past that gaming’s trump card, the thing it can do that other media can’t, is immersion. What happens to immersion when every fifteen seconds or so you have to stop and ask yourself, “why on Earth would anyone/thing behave like that?”

Most games insist on making you the center of their respective universes – you’re the lone hero, the last hope, the leader of some ragtag band of rebels who can lead the world to peace and usher in a new era. For real, that shit is all over the damn place. Fewer are the games that make you one part of something larger, a cog in a much larger war machine. Similarly, none of your enemies are ever quite so competent as you. The game might tell you that certain baddies are universally reviled and have never been bested in years though many have tried – still, it’s just because you’re the first person in history who took the time to memorize their attack pattern. None of your enemies have your arsenal or your adaptability unless you’re playing against another human, at which point your game ceases to be a narrative-driven single-player game and becomes another mindless deathmatch. It’s a problem with no obvious solution, especially since improving enemy AI nearly always seems to come in last on developers’ lists of concerns.

I write about this stuff in a post about Ace Combat 4, but to be fair most of it applies to nearly all action games with single-player modes. It’s not AC4’s fault that it succumbs to these age-old conventions – certainly, no one has come up with anything better. For all of the game’s meticulously-designed aircraft and (for the time) impressive graphics, though, it’s missing a good deal of realism.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

BREAKING NEWS - stuff happens on the psp

you guys just don't look too hard at my weird yellow teeth okay

There was a Destination Playstation meeting recently, whatever that means. While I’ve never heard of it, it does make me happy to hear tell of Sony acknowledging the PSP’s existence.

All of a sudden we’ve got some high-profile stuff coming down the pipe again, including an awkward-sounding Rock Band spinoff and an Assassin’s Creed title, and perhaps most interestingly an entry in the LittleBigPlanet franchise, which means that normal people will be able to experience one of last year’s most notable titles on a platform which they can conceivably afford. This is also an opportunity for Sony to break new ground in console-portable connectivity – if the PSP version can somehow play graphically scaled-back versions of levels people have already created on the PS3, sign me up.

It makes me happy to hear about games coming for the PSP because, frankly, the handheld doesn’t deserve the reputation it has. It’s not really a great media player and it does fall far short of the DS in terms of battery life, game library and general portability, but it’s powerful and it’s got a nice screen and not enough developers take advantage of it. It’ll never catch up to the DS, but it doesn’t have to – gaming history is filled with Nintendo 64s and Xboxes that never “won” the console wars but still have a place under lots of peoples’ televisions. I love my DS, but it is always nice to have a reason to blow the dust off of the other portable in my life.

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This Week on Audiosurf Radio – 2/24 – Learn to Trip Before You Hop Edition

I'd be worried about him busting his head open but it's already been severed from his body. After the past few weeks, you thought we’d never hear trip hop again, didn’t you? You thought we’d be getting more jazz or classical or bizarre Italian ska? Well, you were wrong.

In case you didn’t know, trip hop is also known as the Bristol Sound due to its origins in the UK city. UK music journalist Andy Pemberton coined the term to describe DJ Shadow’s 1993 album In/Flux. It’s a rather loose genre, ranging from Massive Attack to Portishead to the Gorillaz. You should expect moody, atmospheric music that is often downtempo. In other words, you shouldn’t expect this.

Why’d I give you a little trip hop history lesson? Because this week we’ve got five (!) tracks from trip hop group Little People, off their new “Mickey Mouse Operation” album. And I can’t say much about this band because I can’t find out much about them. Their website offers shockingly little information. There’s a child on their album cover. They have no MySpace. Their contact phone number makes me think they’re from the UK? Or somewhere in Europe at least? Who knows. Read on to find out what I think of what I do know about them: their music.

Recommendations

Man, that track is like...craggy. This song is ALL about the peaks and valleys. This track has some of the steepest uphill climbs I’ve ever seen. The best thing about them: red block drum fills. Eighty percent of the crests occur at drum fills, which almost always cause a flourish of reds. And they usually go by just a little too fast. I will say, that while the song is okay, the ride is much better. The piano/bass/drum (machine?) combo works well enough, I guess. But you’re not getting much in the way of traffic from the piano. It’s all flowing from the drums. Take it or leave it. I say take it.


It's an uphill battle that's way worth it. The instrumentation on this track is a little more interesting. There’s a 70s-, Sugarhill Gang-style beat going on – you know, kick-heavy with a big fat back-beat? And laying over top, oddly enough, is what sounds like a synthesized version of a sitar. It’s not quite a sitar, but it’s not quite anything else. I can’t quite put my finger on it. The result is sublime. The (allow me to be bold) synth-tar adds an otherworldliness to the laid-back joy of the drum beat. While the track is mostly uphill, it stays interesting with some great start/stop action from the drums. I’ve said before that I have a sweet spot in terms of traffic (usually 170 to 210), and this falls a little short of that range. But since its a damn fine track, I find myself being more excited at the challenge of piecing together chains and matches while the traffic ebbs and flows. You should get excited, too, and play this song.


I know.  It looks boring.  Trust me? Ah, the “Moonlight Sonata” remix. That’s a little reductive. It’s not quite as simple as a remix of the famous Beethoven piece. You can hear hints of it all over the piano loop, but the song refuses to just come out and say “OH HI GUYS, I’M PLAYIN’ LUDWIG’S GREATEST HITS!” It’s more subtle than that. The result is a brooding piece that threatens to bore the hell out of you as a ride. Don’t let it. It’s a fine ride. Plus, you’ll get to a start/stop section about two thirds of the way through that’s a blast. At this point, the piano’s faded away, leaving a low, slightly distorted guitar over the drums. Just as the guitar teases the chords from the piano loop, the track starts teasing traffic – showing blocks but pausing your momentum, allowing you a beat or two to come up with a game plan for each coming wave. Overall, it’s low in traffic and uphill. Two qualities I’m not usually a huge fan of. But it’s just too engaging of a ride to skip.

Other selections
The other two tracks are Basique and Gravitas. If you play and enjoy Start Shootin, you’ll probably enjoy Basique. But it’s just too similar for me to recommend both. I will tell you that there’s some good drumwork in this one, too, which makes for some fun traffic patterns. Gravitas seems to fail exactly where Above the Clouds succeeds. It’s going for a more straight-forward sound, I think, but it isn’t unique enough to pull me in. And because Above the Clouds really works because of the music, Gravitas falls short. It seems to be channeling a certain laid-back 90s hip-hop feel, but it doesn’t ring true for me (I’m often turned off by obligatory DJ disc-scratching). The track doesn’t do anything nifty, so don’t bother riding this one unless you are really digging their music and are hungry for more.

Author’s Note
All songs were played on the Pro difficulty using Eraser and Vegas. All songs were listened to with an open mind but some just fell short. Digging this deep into a genre did help me realize what aspects of it I appreciate. Nothing wrong with that.

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midnight snack: hell of sand

more hell, less sand What? Craig doesn’t own this type of post.

Hell of Sand is a game that stretches the definition of “game” – there is no set of objectives, and the whole thing is more like a physics simulation than a game really. When I say physics simulation, keep in mind that I am talking about the kind of physics simulation you might actually see in a physics class, and not a Physx simulation.

I’ve pointed you toward the “pyro sand” variation of the game, my personal favorite. I think that within many human beings lurks a simple fascination with fire, perhaps some primal leftover from our early ancestors. This version of the game has several different settings for things that either are fire or can be set on fire – this is a way to sate your inner pyro without actually blowing anything up.

The most interesting bits of this “game” involve experimentation – what materials react with what other materials, what does this do if I place it next to this, et cetera. If you don’t think it sounds like fun, try it out – you’ll see quite a bit of time slip away before you even know it. For those interested in digging deeper, see also the second iteration of the “pyro sand” game.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Blowing Up, Beautifully



Battlefield 1942 told the new millennium how people would play first person shooters online. It invented the control point system as we know it. It made vehicular combat a cinch. It upped the ante for old favorites like team deathmatch and capture the flag, which suddenly seemed pathetically antique.

But for those who can’t fathom spending their time getting dressed down by bossy 10-year-olds, 1942 offered little to nothing. The single-player battle against bots was good for little more than an interactive tour around the map – your opponents got stuck on trees, drove tanks into the sea and plowed their planes into hillsides.

Throughout countless expansions, one half-sequel and one full-blown, present day sequel, the single player mode suffered from the same clueless AI. It was practically a pedigree. Idiot bots? Must be Battlefield.

With Battlefield: Bad Company, DICE sought to create a story-driven campaign for its more misanthropic gamers. They were bringing the noise, in a big, bad-attitude kind of way; personally, the swaggering ad spots, the sudden pretentiouns to single-player credibility and the smiley-face grenade all made me retch. Could they pull it off? I had doubts.

They did, for the most part, and that’s kind of cool. But boy, does Bad Company ever let you blow shit up!


Let’s get this out of the way: BC has a single player mode, and it’s pretty fun. You’re in a misfit unit fighting a near-future war against the…Russians?...and your squad has the token black sergant, the cousin-buggering bumpkin, the wiseacre, etc. Honestly, the more I write about it, the less I like it. Suffice it to say the story rips off Three Kings, and most of the jokes get old pretty fast. If you’re looking to be moved, surprised, or even entertained, lower your expectations to somewhere slightly north of “unoffended.”

DICE knew a lot was at stake with BC. Despite their rousing success with their multiplayer franchise, they needed to gain ground with, ahem, single players (add puns to taste). They rolled out their new proprietary engine, Frostbite, for the occasion. And Frostbite kicks fucking ass – you need to experience it to understand how thrilling it is to flatten a village with a semi-automatic grenade launcher. 90 percent of the environment is destructible, which means everything from trees to huts to office buildings can be blasted to crossbeams and rebar with enough high explosives. Before I jaw about the resultant gameplay innovation, I need to tell you that for sheer adrenaline, kinetic punch and glitzy, gritty eye candy, very few games can beat BC. The busted bricks and cinder are so real they’ll knock your teeth out.

The tactical game is obviously changed. Hiding behind a wall? Not anymore. Now a tank is riddling your ass with .50-caliber rounds. Sniper pinning you down? No problem. Blow his cover with a radioed-in mortar strike. If a tank rolls into town, you can run, but you truly can’t hide.

The Frostbite engine, the fantastic sound engineering, the rollicking feedback of rifles on full-auto – all of this creates some incredibly kinetic gunplay. But if it looks, sounds and feels great, is it fun? Yes and no. BC’s combat is marred by an unfortunate pacing problem and a respawn system that is, in a word, retarded.

If the player is wounded, a quick press of the D-pad will summon a convincing-looking health syringe, which the player happily plunges between their second and third ribs. D-pad to full health takes about four seconds. Not such a big deal, until you’re doing it every thirty seconds – then it just seems obnoxious. You’ll end up protesting your frail, needy body by throwing it into gunfire in pure frustration. Shoot, heal, shoot, heal, run, heal, shoot heal – sound like well-paced combat to you? Me neither. It gets old.

In the likely event that you get greased, the world doesn’t stop – why should it, you narcissistic prick? You pop up at a distant respawn kit with your gun, full health and another crack at an enemy force diminished by your previous efforts. Sure, it breaks the dramatic tension like a fart at a funeral, but seeing as the story is something of a bit, wet fart joke, this seems tolerable – and then you respawn ten miles from the combat, say loudly fuck this and pop in Call of Duty 4.

Once I was attempting to slam through a tank-reinforced checkpoint in a jeep. By the fifth time I respawned in a new jeep, I not only had to contend with the (unbothered) tank, but also an ad hoc roadblock made from the charred remains of my previous efforts. Did DICE really think that stopping the clock was so bothersome? It’s a case of ain’t-broke-don’t-fix it.

Play this game, if only to experience the Frostbite engine – it’s truly an accomplishment, and I can only hope DICE uses it to full effect in coming titles. As for BC? It’s fun. Its shortcomings are forgivable, with a minimum of effort. And you get to blow shit up. A lot.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Why I don't do multiplayer.



That mom. What trouble. Continue...

Midnight Snack: The Space Game

I honestly can't tell if he's winning or losing in this shot. From David Scott comes The Space Game, a refreshingly simplistic take on the space RTS genre. Its hosted on the Casual Collective, a site developed by Scott with Desktop Tower Defense creator Paul Preece.

You should know that I’m using the term RTS somewhat liberally. You see, the game functions as a kind of RTS/Tower Defense hybrid (I find that statement funny, considering that defense maps have their origins in modded versions of popular RTS games). Your two goals are mining and survival. All missions hinge on one, if not both, of those conditions. While mining, you must fend off ever-growing waves of pirate ships intent on shutting down your operation.

These enemy waves make the game feel similar to your typical dot-dot-dot Defense title. While the accumulation of resources via mining stations (not set amounts per each kill) gives it that RTS vibe. By combining the two, Scott manages to squeeze every last drop out of his “Mine X Amount Before You Die” formula. The campaign sees a nice progression in the types of enemies you face. Other modes ask that you acquire increasingly preposterous amounts of minerals. It may sound repetitive, but by the time you find it boring, you’ll probably have cleared the campaign and a number of bonus missions.

Most of the missions last a mere ten minutes at most, perfect for an engaging browser title. And, if you have your cookies enabled (does anyone not anymore?), the site will remember which levels you’ve beaten should the space pirates force you to step away in frustration.

The main reason I keep playing this game is the building construction system. Your various space stations, mining outposts, lasers, missile launchers, etc. are connected by a web of energy relays. A solar station constantly generates energy, which it then pumps to your buildings as they need it. Proper energy management becomes just as important as mining or defense placement. One of my favorite parts of playing is watching the relays light up as energy pulses through my web of intergalactic conquest. Oh, and the satisfaction I feel whenever my THELs (Tactical High Energy Lasers) rip a pirate Mothership to shreds.

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

California Court Strikes Down Violent Game Ban, Common Sense Prevails

common sense It seems like the 9th District Court of Appeals is hell bent on getting on Gov. Schwarzenegger’s bad side. What are they thinking? Haven’t they watched Terminator?

The San Francisco Chronicle reported yesterday that the 9th District Court upheld a previous ruling against a California law (signed by Schwarzie in 2005) that would “bar the sale of an interactive video game to anyone under 18 if the game was so violent it was ‘patently offensive,’ according to prevailing community standards for minors, and lacked serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value.”

If you’ve been reading Charge Shot!!! for very long, you’ll understand how patently silly I think that last part sounds. What about all the Saw movies? Or everything Uwe Boll has ever made? I’m pretty sure those are “patently offensive.” Good thing we have a Constitution, or I’d be so busy lobbying for a ban on those dung heaps I wouldn’t have time for completely non-violent games like this.

The law was struck down again for a variety of reasons. Games in question would carry a four-inch “18” sticker label, whose printing cost would have fit snugly in California’s convalescing budget. The state also failed to show that no alternatives existed – you know, things like the ESRB system, potential educational campaigns, and parental-control technology. The nail in the coffin was the inadequacy of cited research studies, whose “researchers acknowledged that their samples were too small to draw conclusions, that there was no proof video games caused violent behavior, or that the games affected minors differently from adults.”

As for the fear that stores will sell M- or AO-rated games to minors regardless, opponents of the law touted an 80-percent ESRB compliance rate among surveyed retailers. I can personally attest to this, having borne witness to the awkward situation in which a pimple-faced clerk asks a father if the man really wants to buy his twelve-year-old son a copy of Gears of War 2. The father hesitated, then replied, “I’m playing it first.” My heart soared. The clerk asked, and the father exercised good judgment.

Nice try, Governator. You’re not in Kindergarten Cop anymore. Step away from the children. Give parents tools instead of legislature. Do your job correctly, and they’ll do the same – if they haven’t already.

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things your rpg should have learned from chrono trigger

nothing beats a picture with a caption with an alt text - it's the internet equivalent of a royal flush HAY GUYS. IT IS RPG TIME AGAIN.

Lately I’ve been meandering through Eternal Sonata, wondering why I ever liked this genre. The pace was slow, the enemy designs uninspired, the dialogue stilted, the story simultaneously overwrought and patronizing. A few days ago, I walked to a local shopping mart and picked up the DS version of Chrono Trigger, against my better judgment. Even more than the recent rash of Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy rereleases, Trigger seemed like a quick port for a quick buck. If I had to choose between Trigger and Sonata, I’d go with the former every time, and even today more RPGs ought to steal glances at its playbook.

To ensure that your RPG endures as Chrono Trigger does, you first should make it visually and aurally engaging. Eternal Sonata actually succeeds here – the lush, cell-shaded art style and rousing battle themes are actually among its stronger points. It’s important to make your game look good enough to endure the test of time – Trigger’s detailed spritework and varied environments make it interesting to look at, and its music is some of the best games have to offer. Game music of late has been taking too many cues from the movie business – occasionally you’’ll get a memorable theme, but the rest of it is forgettable incidental filler. Game music from the NES and SNES days remains beloved for a reason – it'’s more like popular music than classical. I like classical music just fine, don’t get me wrong – I particularly like cleaning my apartment to Beethoven’s 6th. Popular music is simply more digestible, hookier, and more memorable, though it is still capable of being musically interesting. Your RPG’s soundtrack should definitely be more Chrono Trigger than God of War. More hooks, less ambiance.

Next, keep it simple, at least on the surface. A common criticism of Chrono Trigger is its low level of challenge – a hard game this isn’t. I see this as more of a point in its favor as far as accessibility goes. Games like Dragon Quest and any of the many many Atlus-developed RPGs that make it over here all pride themselves on being old-school, bringing with them the old school’s tendency toward archaic and obtuse menus and systems and deep but often convoluted game mechanics. Not so Chrono Trigger. There is little by way of character customization left up to the player, and each character has its own set list of attacks and combos that he or she learns in a set order. This frees up the player’s brain to actually play and enjoy the game, which I’m definitely not doing when I’m level-grinding some characters in Final Fantasy Tactics.

This leads me to my next point, which is that you need to keep your game moving. Because Trigger requires little by way of level grinding and stat-building, the game moves at a brisk clip. In Dragon Quest V I once circled a town for two hours fighting monsters for the experience and gold. It’s important to keep your game lively because it (1) keeps you interested and invested in the game – one of my favorite tactical RPGs (and the only one I’ve ever seen through to the end) is the PSP’s Jeanne d’Arc because it has specifically tailored itself not to drag out for eons. Its battles always last for a set number of turns, certain characters can strike multiple times in a single turn, and a handy power-up system keeps you from having to do too much power-leveling.

The other reason keeping your game moving is important is that (2) it makes it so that people would conceivably want to play it again. Chrono Trigger clocks in at somewhere around 20-25 hours, even as its peers were already moving into the 40-hour range considered the bare minimum for modern RPGs. It was also one of the first games to feature multiple endings based on decisions you made while playing – combined with the “New Game+” mode, which allowed you to start the game using the powered-up characters from a completed game save, people regularly played through multiple times just to see all there was to see. Trigger also features a healthy number of hidden items and sidequests – another game that does this well (and is similarly replayable in spite of similar problems) is Super Mario RPG, which has hidden items that I still haven’t figured out how to get.

If people are going to be playing your game again, extra stuff is great, but the game still has to be fun to play. To this end, mix it up a little. This may sound like it conflicts with keep it simple, but bear with me – while Trigger does cut out most of the more meticulous customization aspects of other RPGs, it also throws enough different equipment your way to make playing the game completely different depending on the characters you choose to play and the equipment you choose to give them. Also, the number of combo attacks is dizzying in number – you can play the game by sticking with one or two of the most useful basic spells, but taking the time to look through each character’s special move list can be very rewarding. Pokemon is actually a game that handles this very well – sticking to well-known Pokemon with good conventional moves will certainly beat the game, but coming up with more strategic ways to use its more obscure critters can definitely be more rewarding.

There, I did it. This is how to make your RPGs not suck. I’m going to go back to playing Eternal Sonata now – I keep hoping it’ll improve before the end. The outlook is not excellent.

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Friday, February 20, 2009

Battle.blog – Like a House of Cards

Those fallen cards on the right are just the beginning... Ah, Starcraft. You thought I’d forgotten you. But then Blizzard releases news like this, and I just can’t resist your siren song.

Last we left our hero me on my quest for Battle.net glory, I was 2-6, having just claimed a victory with the cunning use of carriers. Having tasted victory twice now, my taste buds have become increasingly disdainful of dishes with even a dash of defeat.

So I battle onward, armed only with heightened expectations and an aptitude for alliteration. I can only hope my enemies haven’t mastered assonance.

The battle starts out like so many others: teams of three on a map called “Big Game Hunters.” Sidenote: I don’t know who’s the Game and who’re the Hunters. It’s not like we’re divided into two teams – Predator and Prey. If I’m the Game, I can’t really be called Big; my record’s only 2-6. Anybody Hunting me should know I’m the online equivalent of a quail. If I’m the Hunter, I hope the Game isn’t too Big – I’m more Francis Macomber than Robert Muldoon. Or…is it a pun on the word Game because I happen to be playing one? That’s a lot of speculation on a pointless topic. Starcraft, you’re just the gift that keeps on giving.

So. Yes. Three on three. Big Game Hunters.

I saddle up with the Protoss again. I like their style, and – as I’ve said before – the pressure of playing Zerg gets to me. Luckily, I’m teamed with a Zerg player (Yellow), as well as a second Protoss (Purple). Things are looking good, except that one of the enemies happens to be Zerg, too. He (White) and one of his two Terran buddies (Teal and Brown) have bases that box in my Purple. After initial scouting reports are in, Purple takes a few moments to type: “hurry i’m gonna get rushed.” Duh. Good thing I spoke up not two seconds earlier: “lets hit white.” I love issuing orders with a complete lack of authority.

We commence construction. I think my biggest weakness (among other things) is that I’ve yet to nail down a specific formula for base-building, particularly when dealing with unit construction. Whenever I look at a successful ally’s base, I always find about a bajillion gateways/barracks/hatcheries. But if you go that route (as I attempted in this match), you don’t have enough units for an effective rush. Hmm…quite a chicken-or-the-egg conundrum. It’d be like instead of spending money on training and outfitting our troops, the US Army decided to just open up a bunch of recruiting offices, lean back in its chair, twiddle its thumbs, and wait. Bad plan.

God, I'm so slow.  So here I am – three minutes in, executing my bad plan – when White rushes Purple with six zerglings. They manage to take out the pylon powering his gateways (touché White) and distract/maim his two zealots. Yellow rushes in to save the day, calling for my aid. “bring ur men in,” he beckons. “soon as i get some,” I reply despondently. Yellow tries to capitalize on White’s troopless base but is driven back by a sunken colony. I have troops coming, they’re just not ready yet.

I lean back in my chair, twiddle my thumbs, and wait.

At the four-minute mark, Purple, having driven off the invaders with Yellow’s help, says the word “go” and commits three of his zealots to the war effort. Yellow’s cadre of bloodthirsty zerglings follow him on the march – as do my two zealots. Guys, I’m disappointed in myself. Two zealots? Purple got rushed, for pete’s sake, and he gave three. Awful. Just awful. Self-flagellation aside, our collective squad storms into White’s base, gunning for the defensive structures – the sunken colonies.

My zealot gets "poked in the eye" by the bleeding thing in the background. I’m not sure that I’ve discussed these disgusting structures in depth before. These Zerg ground defense buildings are represented in a Zerg player’s HUD by a lone eyeball. Its subterranean tentacles tunnel through the ground, popping up and presumably poking your soldier’s in the eye. I say in the eye because I don’t want to discuss something that could be much much worse. Suffice to say, a few good zealots lost their lives (and possibly their virginity) in the fight against these awful things.

While our coalition lays waste to the enemy base, war breaks out at home. Brown, the heretofore unheard from enemy Terran force, has marched a squad of marines right onto my doorstep. And despite their matching uniforms, they’re not selling reduced-size boxes of Thin Mints. Luckily, I had three zealots with a few more on the way.

Machinegun rounds pew-pewing off their plasma shields, my zealots charge the enemy with the intent of dislocating a few skulls. It doesn’t look too good at first. My boys take out a measly two marines before the combined enemy firepower cuts them to ribbons. Brown attempts to knock out my power grid by turning his guns on my pylons, but I’ve built four or five overlapping in the area. The damage he can do before more zealots arrive is minimal. Two of my troops stroll out of gateways and immediately begin racking up kills. One of them takes down five before the marines reduce him to Swiss cheese. Brown’s squad has only one man left, and Yellow swoops in with zerglings, devouring him instantly.

This piñata wasn't filled with candy. In all the chaos I hadn’t checked White’s base in a while. All of his other buildings destroyed, my team’s troops converge on his last hatchery like buzzards. Or maybe like sugar-crazed toddlers on a piñata. Either way, it’ messy. The living building explodes in a confetti of alien organs and player tears. White is eliminated.

But before we even have time to consider our next target, both of the Terran enemies leave. Victory in only five-and-a-half minutes! I like to imagine the enemy commanders issuing a strategic withdrawal, since the Zerg player we’d defeated provided their team with much-needed speed. And by removing the keystone, their army folded like a house of cards.

In actuality, they were probably just pissed that one of their teammates was such a goddamn n00b.

RECORD: 3-6

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Get your plot out of my game

Let’s get this out of the way: Halo does not have a good story.

But, but – no. Shut up. It may be long and contain many twists and turns, but so does my colon, and both are full of shit. You can’t get a glass of water in the gaming industry without tripping over an alien invasion storyline, and Halo manages to ruin the potential allure of “the other” by making them exactly like us. If you are at any point surprised by Halo, get your head checked. A massive tumor might be devouring your intelligence as we speak.


By and large, games have horrible stories. The most compelling plotlines are reprocessed versions of popular movies – Aliens is especially to be well-trodden – and to make up for their lack of originality, they inundate you with detail. Take Halo, my whipping boy of choice. Never has a flavorless plot been so festooned with confetti icing and plastic flowers. If you know everyone’s name, Bungie thinks, you’ll automatically care about them.

Wrong. Games aren’t books – they don’t have the brute power of print on paper, and they never will. What they do have is the benefit of immersion, and the more you foul that up with cheap narrative, the more the story suffers. The best idea is to do little to nothing at all.

In my opinion, Far Cry 2 has one of the most memorable stories in recent memory. Ah, you say, but Far Cry 2 doesn’t have a plot. You cheeky bastard. Far Cry 2 doesn’t have much of a plot, and what it has is a crooked skeleton of double-crosses and betrails. But it has story in spades. For example, take the jeep ride that begins the campaign. You’re driving from the airport into a country that everyone is fleeing, bribing soldiers at checkpoints, fording shallow rivers with their families. It’s complete and utter chaos, and all the while your cabbie is flapping his jaw, honking the horn, and driving like a man on fire. Zebras and gazelles are seemingly unperturbed by the strife – another government come and gone makes little difference to them. Minutes later, you collapse with malaria and are visited by the arms dealer you were sent to kill, who embeds a machete in the wall above your head.

Now that’s a story.

It may not have a smartmouth AI with purple boobs (here’s looking at you, Cortana); no, it has something better. It has pedigree. Its preceessors, Conrad’s Heart of Darkness and Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, are referenced, not ripped off. The story is told by your actions, with a bare minimum of intervention by the game. Instead of intrusive narrative, we have experience: the simple poetry of a beautifully rendered savanna, or a jungle lake at sunrise, seething with insect life.

Excepting the disappointing main quest, Fallout 3 is another game whose storytelling strengths are derived from a fully-realized world; again, Fallout 3’s pedigree lies in the well-established post apocalypse narrative, best embodied in novels like Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. Few soap operatics in the Capital Wasteland – certainly none that railroad you on a linear path towards the end.

If the voice of the novel is voyeurism, the vice of the game is escapism. The oft-sought and oft-lauded immersion factor, when executed properly, transports the player into a rendered world with uncanny totality. When I play Far Cry 2, I’m in someone’s version of Africa, no question. That’s real dirt on my windshield. That’s a real zebra, in flames. Why poke your story into the reader’s brain when they can fashion their own?

You open a novel and you read it from beginning to end; though not necessarily linear, the reader has no say in the plot, no input. In this way, some games are like incredibly sophisticated choose-your-own-adventure stories, the plot unfolding according to the player’s actions. The best games, however, step back to a distant narrative periphery, and let you revel in the fabricated world. I liked Aliens when James Cameron did it. Let me have my own story.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Let's just play Ace Combat 6 and pretend this never happened.



Many armchair flyboys, self included, are looking for ways to pass time between now and March 3, when HAWX (I choke a little every time I say it) arrives like a glowing piece of debris, hot to the touch. Some, self definitely included, are revisiting Namco/Bandai’s excellent Ace Combat 6; some are going even further back in the series. Others may see Over G Fighters, released in 2006, collecting dust on a shelf and think hey, there’s a jet on the front. Maybe I should –

No.

Do not.

I don’t know who made it. I don’t know where it came from. But Over G Fighters is easily the worst flight game I’ve ever played. Perhaps “flight” is a strong word; you do appear to be in air, yes, but a homogeneous puree of terrain textures creates a sense of not going anywhere. There’s little controller feedback, no contrails whipping off your wingtips, nothing to give the sense of speed so powerfully evident in HAWX and Ace Combat 6.

And about flying – you can’t. Really. Instead of banking, your jet affects a whimpy little tilt that moves you along the x-axis. No spine-crunching bank-and-dive maneuvers here, kids. You’re driving a plane that won’t invert.

As if shitty mechanics weren’t enough, the game’s presentation is slapdash and amateurish. Menus are a jumble of buttons and text that, frankly, looks to be Times. There’s apparently some sort of story that names you as part of an outfit called Energy Airforce, which sounds both unimaginative and absurd, but I didn’t bother looking into it. Four seconds off the deck of a fuzzy aliased-to-hell aircraft carrier were all it took to diagnose this game as irredeemable shit.

Perplexingly, Over G Fighters is the only game thus far to model blackouts and redouts, which are physical conditions resulting from positive and negative g-force, respectively. It’s sad that a thoughtful feature got folded into such a awful game.

When I decided to end it all and poke my nose into the nearest frigate, the guy in my backseat howled, “What are you doing?” What indeed. I tossed the disc behind my head and fired up the HAWX demo for the nth time. Continue...