Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Jordasch Explains This Week's Entourage: Stunted

In the grand tradition of Charge-Shot!!! writers reviewing shows they end up hating - or just hating themselves for kinda liking - Jordasch has decided to tackle HBO's Entourage, simultaneously the most satisfying and infuriating show on the network. Because reviewing the show is a largely fruitless effort at this point, he's decided simply to explain it, character by character.

Vince: Vinny is worried about looking like a pussy in front of a totally badass action director (he has a NECK tattoo!) because he doesn't want to do his own stunts in a seriously Robocop 2-looking generic action movie. We know this because he says the phrase, "I don't wanna look like a pussy" in just about every scene in which he appears. Seriously, would anyone fault a Hollywood actor for not wanting to drive a car over a ramp and into a burning building? Did anyone know that Will Smith and Tom Cruise did their own stunts a few times until they saw THIS episode of Entourage? More importantly, does anyone care?

But at least that action director is a total badas- that NICK CASSAVETES? Well GOD FORBID Vince appears wussy in the presence of the guy who directed THE FUCKING NOTEBOOK! A badass father does not a badass son make.

Drama: The mob banker from The Dark Knight doesn't wanna put Johnny in a new series that, of course, Johnny thinks he's perfect for. So he asks Ari to assemble a blah blah blah Drama's ugly blah blah blah setting him up for a hit blah blah blah unfortunately the only interesting person among the non-Ari main characters.

Eric: To be perfectly honest with you, I don't remember. But at least because Vince is the one worried about being a pussy in this episode, we don't have to hear everyone making fun of E for being one. Seriously, how often does Mark Wahlberg worry about being a pussy?

Turtle: Having finally put together that "hot girls driving limos" business idea he introduced in the fifth season, Turtle now has to contend with the Rhodes scholars he's hired as hot limo drivers. One particularly gifted driver loses a car, attributes her flightiness to her parents' impending divorce, and then gets sexually assaulted by Turtle. Didn't we get past the "Turtle is a loser" thing after he started banging Jamie-Lynn Siegler? And wasn't he enrolled at UCLA? And, now that I think about it, weren't three out of the five main characters in Italy to hang out with Vince while he shot the Ferrari movie?

Somebody needs to fire the fucking script girl.

Ari: Something about the NFL and trying to get Vince out of doing the stunt for Alpha Dog. Ari didn't yell nearly enough or fire nearly enough people in this episode, and he yelled a bunch and fired a few people.

Departing Words: I remember enjoying this episode while I was watching it, but now I can't figure out why. Oh wait, that's how I feel about the whole damn show.