Friday, July 23, 2010

Jordasch Explains This Week's Entourage: Buzzed and Dramedy


In the grand tradition of Charge-Shot!!! writers reviewing shows they end up hating - or just hating themselves for kinda liking - Jordasch has decided to tackle HBO's Entourage, simultaneously the most satisfying and infuriating show on the network. Because reviewing the show is a largely fruitless effort at this point, he's decided simply to explain it, character by character.


Vince: Excelsior! An episode where no one is worried about being a pussy! Because, after all, Vince's brush with death in the season seven premiere turned Vince into a testosterone-addled speed freak whose unquenchable thirst for danger leads him to skydiving and, uh, going to celebrity wine auctions. And we can discern all this because Adrien Grenier is an actor capable of the degree of subtlety necessary to communicate a man so gripped by his own mortality that he turns to cheap thrills. Or because he got a new haircut (which pisses off super-badass Notebook director guy, who we know is super-badass because they just come out and tell us this time around).

Eric: E and Sloan are doing good, which we know because they tell us they're good. Or maybe they're trying to hint that all's not well in the house of the two most boring characters in a cast of really fucking boring characters.

And - fuck. E is the one worried about looking like a pussy, because his super-jacked coworkers is a total badass whose badass ways have lured the newly badass Vince into a life of badassery. As if Vince's diet of gorgeous women and constant boozing wasn't badass enough. Oh wait, I've forgotten about Eric...again.

Turtle: First he sexually assaults one of his drivers, now that same driver is beckoning him to Mexico for some kind of apparently not drug-related connect that can get his business out of the toilet.

Turtle's a likable character, but I guess the writers get their jollies out of making him seem like a creep. They probably think he's a pussy.

Ari: Mr. Gold may be the one to bring an NFL franchise to L.A. Taylor Townsend from "The O.C." was probably the one who got him the offer, but he won't promote her to the head of the television department because she banged the erstwhile head into rehab. Plus Mrs. Ari saw them dancing or something. So she quit.

I like seeing Ari rise to greater and greater heights, and I like Taylor Townsend, but somehow I get the feeling that both of these storylines will peter out just like they always do.

Drama: Nothin' in the first episode, and quite a bit in the second. A supergay Jeff Garlin plays an unretired Emmy-winning TV writer who figures out that Drama is funny even/only when he isn't trying. You know, this is actually a welcome slice of meta-humor for a show that rarely ventures into self-awa- wait, where is that siren coming from? Is that a loudspeaker? Why can I hear it in -

GOOD EVENING, TELEVISION VIEWERS.

IT'S 11:00 PM EASTERN, AND THIS IS THE VOICE OF ELLIN BROADCASTING ON 275 AND 285 IN THE MEDIUM WAVE.

THE PEOPLE OF THE BOX ARE ADVISED THAT, ON THE EIGHTEENTH OF THE SEVENTH, TWO-THOUSAND AND TEN, AT APPROXIMATELY 10:35 AND FIVE SECONDS, AN INSTANCE OF SELF-AWARE HUMOR WAS SPOTTED IN THE NEWEST EPISODE OF OUR NATION'S MOST POPULAR AND HILARIOUSLY WITTY SHOWBIZ SATIRE, ENTOURAGE.

THE CHARACTER "JONATHAN DRAMA" WAS PORTRAYED AS BEING UNINTENTIONALLY HUMOROUS, THUS CONFIRMING THE LONG-HELD SUSPICIONS OF YOU, THE VIEWERS, THAT "JONATHAN DRAMA" IS UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY.

POLICE RAIDED THE HOMES OF THOSE BELIEVED RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS EGREGIOUS ACT OF CLEVERNESS. THEY ARE CURRENTLY IN DETENTION AWAITING TRIAL.

DO NOT FRET. AS IS CUSTOM, THE SHOW-RUNNERS OF ENTOURAGE HAVE BEEN GIVEN A TONIC THAT ERASES ALL MEMORY OF PREVIOUS EPISODES. BY THE END OF THIS BROADCAST, YOU TOO WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED ON THIS EPISODE OF ENTOURAGE.

THIS IS THE VOICE OF ELLIN, SIGNING OFF.
WAHLBERG PREVAILS.

What was I saying? Oh well. Guess I'll go watch "The Wire" again.