Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Fist-Pump Gazette #4: "If the horse is dead, then you gotta leave it alone"


After three episodes of nonstop hitting us over the head with Sammi and Ronnie's doomed relationship, let's see what new storylines they can come up with this week... Apparently none: as the episode's title ("Breaking Up") and Previously segment would suggest, it's gonna be all about feelings and sadness and emo fights that we've seen a thousand times before. Has so little happened in Miami so far that we have to have to go over this stuff again and again? Ronnie puts it best in his confessional with the line that became the title of this week's gazette.

The whole conceit of this situation is that Sammi doesn't know about Ron's behavior, and no one is coming clean with her. She asked Nicole and Jenni straight-up and they say nothing. She asked Angelina, and she says nothing. They even contrive a night of infantile parlor games where they manage to ask Ron point-blank if he's ever cheated on someone... and he doesn't fess up.

And that continues for the whole episode: she hates him, she loves him, they're together, they've split up. Nobody's telling Sammi the truth, even though they know a) she will find out, b) she will know they kept information from her, and c) the longer they wait, the worse it will get. This whole show is turning into a highly ironic/predictable/hypocritical cautionary tale. Which means it won't get even remotely interesting until everything blows up completely.

The girls seem intent on pushing it to that conclusion (thankfully) when they decide their best course of action is to write Sammi an anonymous letter outlining Ron's transgressions rather than just tell her themselves. The obvious question is: How could this possibly be a good idea? There are CAMERAS FILMING THEM while they write their ANONYMOUS LETTER. Again, granted, they probably know that everything is going to come to a head on camera before the show airs. But are they at least at all aware of the irony of the situation?

I'm curious who came up with this anonymous letter idea. I mean, it's pretty clear that JWOWW suggests it and puts it into motion. But who suggested to her that she suggest it on camera? Or alternatively, who failed to suggest a better idea to her when she brought up the anonymous letter? A good story producer on a hit reality show subtly shape the actions of their characters into entertaining television, by both putting them in positions to make entertaining choices and downplaying choices that will eventually go nowhere. And I feel like Season 2 of Jersey Shore fails on both counts.

SPOILER ALERT: Sammi will find out about Ron's cheating, and she will find out that EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE BUT HER knew about it since Day 1. She will be emotionally distraught. She will question all of her friendships. Then she will probably return to Ronnie.

I'm sick of this whole Ronnie and Sammi thing, so I'm going to try and look into the future of the show. What cool storylines could possibly be brewing, apart from the main, mind-numbing drama?

- Everyone seems pretty cool with Angelina, and maybe she's turned a corner. Redemption is apparently easier to come by in the easygoing atmosphere of Miami than the cold, unforgiving actual Jersey Shore.

- Snooki found out that her boyfriend cheated on her. So maybe we'll get a nice preview of Snooki's inevitable solo spin-off show, "Snookin' for Love."

- Vinny and Pauly are going to .... hit on some girls? I don't know.

These aren't so much potential storylines as they are just things that happen on the show. Nothing new is coming down the pipes, and everything that's predictable is just boring. If this show is going to keep America interested, the next plot point is gonna have to come straight out of left field.