Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Jordasch Explains This Week's Entourage: Tequila and Coke

In the grand tradition of Charge-Shot!!! writers reviewing shows they end up hating - or just hating themselves for kinda liking - Jordasch has decided to tackle HBO's Entourage, simultaneously the most satisfying and infuriating show on the network. Because reviewing the show is largely a fruitless effort at this point, he's decided simply to explain it, character by character.

Vince: Let me say at the beginning of this thing, that the second I saw the title of Entourage's latest episode, I thought, "Huh. That's probably a cocaine joke." It is a cocaine joke, but I wouldn't put it past Wahlberg to put a product placement in the title of one of his episodes.

So yeah, Vince does some coke in this episode, and, unfortunately, he's still strung out for his meeting with writer/director Randall Wallace (Braveheart, and, uh, Pearl Harbor). Wallace, who's directing Planeswalker - nope, that's an ability in Magic: the Gathering - or whatever Vince's new movie is called, calls the studio in an understandable huff. They call Ari, who predictably reams out E for being as crappy a manager as Kevin Connolly is an actor. But Ari, if you'll remember, has much bigger problems.

Ari: I really thought Entourage was going to crap out on me - or rather, continue crapping out on me - and quash the most interesting plotline in the series' history before it even got going. On a call with Nikki Finke stand-in Anna Fowler (Carrie Fisher, how far you've fallen), Ari learns that Lizzie has had a falling out with rival Amanda Daniels (Carla Gugino; be still my beating heart) and is looking for an out. Lizzie informs Ari over the course of a couple of suspiciously civil meetings that she's ready to bury the hatchet provided that her former boss get her a job at Warner Bros., where another of his former proteges (Constance Zimmer) is president.

All Ari has to do is get Lenny Kravitz (yes...Lenny Kravitz) to appear in some movie because the gay director totally wants to do him ("Is that enough gay jokes yet, Mr. Wahlberg?" "YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY GAY JOKES, QUEER!"). Lenny doesn't want to do it, probably because one appearance on Entourage is enough to create hype for his new album ... Negrophilia. Ari only frets for a few minutes, though; his assistant informs him just after Lizzie drops the tapes off that copies were indeed leaked to Deadline Hollywood. Ugh, that smarts.

Turtle: Blah blah blah tequila commercial hot chick whatever. Sorry, Entourage writing staff, if you're not going to put more than fifteen minutes of effort into writing your B plotline, I'm not going to spend more than fifteen seconds thinking about it. At least you put your boss in the episode so he doesn't call you gay or beat you up.

Drama: Apparently Drama really doesn't like Billy Walsh's idea for a star vehicle for him. Walsh does a few sketches of Drama as a confused gorilla - which really hammers home just how much Kevin Dillon looks like an ape - because he thinks Drama's too ugly to have his own show. This continues to be a moderately satisfying plotline, even though the concept of any animated sitcom that isn't a clone of The Simpsons or South Park being successful is basically absurd. Although maybe it's just The Simpsons with apes. Hmm. He could have something there.