In the grand tradition of Charge-Shot!!! writers reviewing shows they end up hating - or just hating themselves for kinda liking - Jordasch has decided to tackle HBO's Entourage, simultaneously the most satisfying and infuriating show on the network. Because reviewing the show is largely a fruitless effort at this point, he's decided simply to explain it, character by character.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Posted by Jordasch at 12:00 PM
Drama: We see little of the uglier Chase in this atrociously-named episode, an issue I'd like to address before I regurgitate what happened to Drama this week: Entourage has never had a way with titles, but this one might take the cake for the crudest, least artful, and most inexplicable. "Sniff Sniff Gang Bang"? First of all, the title is a reference to both cocaine and group sex, all wrapped up in a sniveling, faux-clever package that screams, "HA HA, LOOK AT HOW CLEVER I AM. I MADE JOKE ABOUT DRUGS AND SEX. HA HA." And second of all, it seems to be a reference to Shane Black's absurdly great directorial debut, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. But references work so much better when they're made for a reason, right? RIGHT?! There's nothing in this episode that has anything to do with Bang Bang's noir storyline, its cast, or even its director's other projects (Lethal Weapon, most notably). Basically, it's there only to allow the creators to reference both cocaine and gang bangs in the one fell swoop.
Drama's resisting Billy Walsh's monkey sitcom idea even though the studio greenlights it even though it's a stupid idea that would never work outside of the fifties, when primetime animation consisted solely of jokes about dinosaurs eating human shit. There. You happy? That makes one of us.
Turtle: The uncle of the hot chick Turtle is somehow sleeping with is pissed because Turtle has made his tequila too popular. Yes, that is a thing that I didn't just make up. So he has to raise extra money for hot chick uncle so he can build a new tequila factory or whatever it is that makes tequila.
Why didn't the writers just work with the fact that Vince is basically a walking disaster who would sink any brand he's associated with? And maybe earlier Turtle could have sunk a bunch of money into the tequila business which he now has to pay back because Vince screwed up the promotional end of things. And then that could put a little strain on Turtle's relationship with generic hot chick, and Entourage might have ended up with, I dunno, it's second or third interesting plot line of its whole SEVEN-YEAR RUN. THERE, YOU OVERPAID HACKS. I JUST WROTE A BETTER PLOT LINE THAN YOU HAVE IN THE PAST DECADE.
YOU KNOW WHEN THE GUY WHO EXPLAINS MARMADUKE GETS SO PISSED OFF AT THE STUPID COMIC THAT HE JUST QUITS FOR A WHILE?!?!
I'M GETTING CLOSE.
Deep breath. I'm okay.
Vince: The studio producing Sidewinder or whatever Vince's movie is called wants him to take a drug test because everybody thinks he's high on coke. Vince doesn't want to take the drug test because he actually is high on coke and knows he'll fail it. Apparently, he was even high on coke when he went to meet with the director, but I had no idea because Adrian Grenier is only slightly better at acting than the professional athletes who make numerous, pointless cameos.
There's also trouble in freaky porn star paradise as Sasha Grey (Sasha Grey) announces that she's going to another porno. Not just any porno, though! This one's a GANG BANG. COOL!
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the entourage is worried because Vince is snorting coke and dating a porn star. Understandable, right?
But of course, Vince sides with Sasha - to be fair, who wouldn't? - and chews Eric out for wanting him to take the drug test. Also, Vinny wants E to find a part for Sasha in his new movie, which now has a new director because Pearl Harbor guy didn't wanna work with a coked-up actor. Also also, Entourage needs Vince to be mad at Eric at this point in the season for some reason. So this is apparently it.
Ari: Still dealing with the fallout from Deadline's release of the Ari Papers. I was happy to see that this plot line wasn't simply deus ex machina-ed out of existence in favor of another stupid celebrity cameo. I think they could have wrung more comedy out of Ari's attempts to walk on egg shells in front of his staff, though his accidental outburst at Dana Gordon in front of the whole office was funny, if a bit predictable. Again, Jeremy Piven continues to earn his reputation as the most talented member of this cast. Last week, we saw him basically melting in front of his computer screen when he saw the lede on Deadline. Now he's genuinely concerned that he might lose Mrs. Ari, the one thing he claims to love more than his job. Still a less than abysmal plot line, but I could do without the hackneyed "you're never home" complaints from the wife.
But I guess hackneyed is better than, uh, "Sniff Sniff Gang Bang."
Wait a minute, what happened to Lizzie Grant? Did Amanda Daniels turn the tapes over to Deadline against Lizzie's wishes?
Or was she just lying to Ari about not releasing the tapes? What possible motivation could she have for that? And why would she make Ari look for a job for her if she was just going to screw him over?!
WHY AM I WATCHING THIS STUPID SHOW?!?!?!