Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Fist-Pump Gazette #8: "You Do Stupid Things When You're Drunk"

Let's start right at the beginning: the title quote comes from Angelina describing her last-episode hookup with Vinny, the guy she ostensibly hates the most in the house. Also the guy who gave her the nickname "The Staten Island Dump." But both were drunk, so neither need take responsibility for their actions. It makes for a great A-Story, summed up in the following quote:

"Angelina has proven the ho equation."

Mike plays professor and expounds on the theory that if a guy (Jose) treats a girl (Angelina) right - i.e. takes her out on dates, buys her gifts - he won't get any action. But if a guy (Vinny) takes that same girl and calls her names, demeans her in front of her friends, and generally makes his disgust known, then, bam! instant smoosh.

Find out what other commonly held theories are proven true or false after the jump.

"It's just a lot of people yelling and talking with their hands, and if you're not used to it, it can be a lot to handle."

And for the B-Story we get Vinny's family, the most legitimate stereotypical Italians you've ever seen. I say legitimate because all their actions were wholesome and genuine: Vinny's mom came with gifts and the makin's for a delicious home-cooked meal. His uncle Nino (an "O.G. - original guido") reinforces that truth (or in this case reality) is stranger than fiction. And the rest of the family was just DTHAGT - down to have a good time.

Watching everyone eat reminded me of something Francis Ford Coppola once said about Italian movies - the food basically becomes another character. If he had watched this episode, he would probably have said the same thing about the hot tub. It sure brought out another character in Uncle Nino - you know things are out of hand when even Ronnie describes what's going on as "a creepy scene."

The hot tub is also where the A and B stories come together. Snooki and Angelina almost get into a knock-down-drag-out over a playful game of volleyball. But instead of fighting Snooki, Angelina sets up the possibility of a fight between Vinny and her "boyfriend" Jose when she admits to smooshing her roommate. Doesn't look like anything is going to happen, though, and we're left with another disappointing reveal.

"Two of the rarest roses!"

Maybe it was the visit from Vinny's family, but it looks like Vinny and Pauly are taking a trip to values-town. They met these girls - not one-night stand types, but "wifey" girls who you can take home to your mother - and ask them out on dates. They buy new khakis and flowers, and it's time to wine and dine. Everyone's nervous, cuz they haven't been on dates in a while, but the gem of the situation is that while Pauly's getting ready for his date, we get a chance to see his hair, non-styled.

But all this ends on a sad note when Vinny gets stood up! I don't know if ending on this somber note is supposed to get us pumped up for the next episode or what. If I do end up watching next week, it will be in hopes that The Situation once again gets cock-blocked by his own obnoxiousness.