Saturday, September 4, 2010


As some of you may already know, by the time you are reading this, I will be at the Burning Man festival in Nevada's Black Rock Desert. Thus without access to cable television or a computer with internet access for the entire week, there's no way for me to watch this week's "Jersey Shore."

Instead I will be cruising around the playa on my bike, wearing my Batman costume (except with no pants), checking out whatever crazy parties, music, and artistic creations 50,000 burners have the energy to set up. The theme this year is "Metropolis," so I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty Superman iconography and also a bunch of the above-pictured robots from Fritz Lang's classic film.

Since I can't watch the episode, I decided to pre-write this week's Gazette with some of the things I learned from watching "Jersey Shore" five weeks in a row:

* If you get drunk enough, it doesn't matter where/how you pass out. Keep your jeans, shoes, sunglasses on... or even your lav mic attached to your shirt. You'll probably spike it and hurt the sound guy's ears the moment you flop on your bed, but I'll bet all that sleeptalking audio they get it pure gold.

* If someone accuses you of doing something - whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, whether you did it or not - "deny, deny, deny." Remember, you can always tell another lie, but the consequences you might have to face by telling the truth never go away.

* Act like everybody's watching... but like nobody will ever see you. It constantly amazes me: the contrast between the show these people put on for the cameras and their vain efforts to keep secrets from one another. This dynamic is starting to make everything look more and more contrived.

We'll see, when I return from this week-long experiment in temporary community with 50,000 people, if I still have the patience to sit and watch the episode I missed. Perhaps my values will be so impacted by a week in the 100-degree-days, 30-degree-nights with no running water or electricity that I'll have no more patience for hanging on the every word of these strangely compelling party animals.

See you after the BURN!