Wednesday, September 1, 2010

This Fall In Gaming, Digested in Haiku

haikump Sing to me, O Muse, of the 2010 Holiday Gaming season, when the industry’s biggest studios trot out their moneymakers for yet another autumnal blitz of first-person shooters, paint by numbers sequels….

One moment. My lute seems out of tune. Bear with me.

Yep. That time of year again. The air’s a little crisper, wallets are a little looser and every desensitized 10-year-old is putting the new Call of Duty absurdity at the top of their list.

Ah. I’m being cynical. Allow me to offer  a sampling of this season’s biggest releases, summarized in that pithy, time-honored form of poetry: the haiku.

Second verse; same as the first.

Halo: Reach
Serious face: on.
Cue strings. Prime plasma grenade.
Finish the fight. Again.

Civilization V
I have three hours
Before I must go to work.
One more turn; one more.

Dead Rising 2
Oh, look. More zombies.
Are bad controls considered
A genre changer?

Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock
Click click click click click
Click click click click click click click
Click click click click fail.

Fallout: New Vegas
I wasn’t paying
attention until you said
Robot sex.” Go on.

Fable III
Peter Molyneux
is crying. It’s that good. It’s
the pitch-perfect fart.

Medal of Honor
Support the troops with
Linkin Park. This is art. This
is modern warfare.

Call of Duty 7: Black Ops
Flogging the cash cow
Until it’s unfit for milk,
cheap shoes or ground chuck.

Assassin’s Creed II: Brotherhood
The Pope is evil.
Well, duh. He could be a bear.
Just give me more Rome.