Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Fist-Pump Gazette #12: "If you're lookin' good, you're feelin' good. If you're feelin' good, you're gettin' good resuts."

These Jersey Shore fellows sure know how to deal with a little drama. We left last week's episode all concerned about Mike and his mood swings and his controlling attitude. I mean, he ruined Snooki's night when her BEST FRIEND was in town. That's pretty low and destructive behavior. But then all it takes is a well-placed apology and a "smile for the camera" the next morning, and they're a family again. While it's true that The Situation has turned himself into a pretty successful global brand and rumors are swirling about a spinoff involving Snooki, everyone involved realizes they're more valuable as a group than as individuals.

But things are far from peaceful in New Jersey, FL - Snooki and Mike's antics get the group bounced out of Miami's hottest club (Space), Sammi and Ronnie are back to their old mindless arguing, and Situation cockblocks his roommate Pauly D not once, but twice. It's almost as if the cast loses more and more control as they approach next week's season finale.

And who could blame them, really? We're at 9.6 percent unemployment nationwide. I know these seven people have no immediate danger of losing their livelihood or falling out of the public spotlight any time soon. But now that they've been bitten by the acting bug, they're subject to the stress and anxiety that comes from being "between gigs at the moment." And it's obviously taking its toll.


I believe it was Evil Lincoln who said: "A house divided against itself is GREAT!" Well, he might as well have been a producer on Jersey Shore. There seems to be a clear division between the dysfunctional cast members and the chiller cast members. Let's give a quick rundown, character by character, so we can see how everyone stands heading into the finale.

PAULY D
Pauly seemed to have a good thing going with his number one girl Rocio. But that doesn't stop him from trying to score every night. Good thing for his honor The Situation never let those hookups happen - two times in a row he drives Pauly's girls from the room (see below).

NICOLE "Snooki"
Snooki was inconsolable when her friend Ryder left. She was in such a bad way that she briefly considered leaving the show, then she picked fights with everyone in Space and, along with Mike's stubborn behavior (see below), got them kicked out of the club.

MIKE "The Situation"
Mike plays the all-time worst wingman, starts fights in the club, ruining the second night in a row, and parks his car so carelessly that it ends up getting towed. If he didn't make such delicious family dinners, I'm sure he would be tolerated a lot less - even if he does occasionally almost set the house on fire. His worth is also demonstrated by pearls of wisdom such as the one that appears in the title of thi week's gazette.

SAMMI "Sweetheart" & RONNIE
Guess what this week's fight was about: Ron made a crack about how Sam looks Asian and that he digs the exotic look. But because Ron's ex-girlfriend was Asian, Sam takes huge offense and storms out of the room. "If you like Asians so much, why don't you just be with your ex-girlfriend!" What is she trying to say, that all Asian girls look the same? I'm absolutely 100% through with this storyline. If Sam isn't totally oblivious about the wrongs being done to her, she's manufacturing drama out of a totally benign (if a little insensitive) comment.

JENNI "JWOWW"
Jenni's contributions to this week's episode: a revealing outfit and an attempt to be a good friend to Snooki. No problems here.

VINNY
Vinny's still chilling with his rarest rose Ramona. Vinny's quote of the night:
If you've got the phattest gear, and nobody can come into your atmosphere, then you are a part of T-Shirt Time. And you will be until we yell, "THE CABS ARE HERE!"

ANGELINA
Angelina has left the show. Check back for Season 3 her next tell-all article.

While taking a network-sponsored break from watching these antics, the Jersey Shore cast showed up to promote Jackass 3D, MTV Films' most anticipated theatrical release of the summer. The commercial included interviews with the cast members talking about how great it was and delivering veiled threats to the audience about what would happen if we didn't go see it.

Then it dawned on me: this movie hits theaters tomorrow. (I thought this on Thursday while watching the show, live: for those of you reading in real time, it opened yesterday.) Thus, this commercial must have been shot fairly recently. Season 2 of Jersey Shore, on the other hand, was shot five months ago, in May. Five months might as well be an eternity measured in tabloid-years. So all these events that I've been faithfully blogging about for the past 3 months are old news. The cast has already moved on - Season 3 has already finished shooting, Mike and Snooki are exploring other career opportunities.

I suddenly got the sense that, although I was watching the show as it aired, everyone already knew what happened and had moved on to shadow the stars' next moves. It seems that news/gossip about Reality TV personalities has overshadowed the actual reality shows that made them famous in the first place.

If this trend is accurate, what will it mean for the ratings (as opposed to sales of US Weekly)?